what to do about someone telling lies about you

Maybe you got a "sorry I'thou ill" text from a pal you had long continuing plans with, merely to encounter them whooping it up on the town on social media. Or perhaps, far more seriously, you learned someone y'all love flat out betrayed your trust. Withal information technology happens, catching someone in a lie is never, ever fun.

Why do liars experience compelled to lie? For a myriad of reasons. Here's 1: They might tell a little white prevarication to spare someone's feelings. When groups of people were asked to critique an essay for a 2017 report, researchers found "the relationship between compassion and prosocial lying was partially mediated by an enhanced importance placed on preventing emotional harm." Or, more selfishly, they might lie in order to encompass their tracks, get away with something and/or not look like the bad guy.

How do they manage to get away with information technology? One answer could exist constitute in a study, published in "Memory," that explores a theory toyed with one time on "Seinfeld," where George tries to assist Jerry best a lie detector test with this somewhat accurate bon mot: "Jerry? Simply remember…it'south not a lie if you lot believe information technology." Just similar an player committing to a part.

So, what should you lot exercise if you think yous've heard a lie? Here are four means to spot a lie and make up one's mind whether or not a confrontation is warranted.

Heed to your gut

When we suspect we've been lied to, we might get-go to look for tells, like avoiding eye contact, changes in routine beliefs, and stories and excuses that don't add upwards. Yet, depending on your position in the situation, it tin can be easier to ignore the tells in spite of gnawing feelings of suspicion. "In these situations, we tin very frequently lie to ourselves and collude in the lie, so it is more important than always to admission our intuition and maintain our integrity," says Dr. Tara Swart, neuroscientist and author of "The Source: Open up Your Mind, Change Your Life." "When we look back, we most often regret non extracting ourselves from a situation based on a lie. Rather we need to look dorsum and know that we relied on our intuition and acted in our best interests. Otherwise self-esteem suffers and we are probable to repeat the same patterns of behavior," she says.

Examine the motive

Dr. Tim Levine, Distinguished Professor and Chair of Communication Studies at University of Alabama at Birmingham and Global Professor of Advice and Media at Korea Academy, Seoul, says, when you're confronted with a lie, the best approach is look for solid testify, beginning with motive. What would the liar have to gain by lying to yous? "Does the person have a reason to lie? If information technology (what you hear) does not sound plausible and the person might have a motive to lie, and then your suspicion might exist warranted. Y'all can always ask them questions every bit a test," Levine explains. In other words, fact cheque the situation by asking carefully considered questions that might confirm the lie.

Consider the gravity of the prevarication

One time you've considered possible motive, it'due south time to enquire yourself if it's worth the energy it might accept to confront the liar. Is the charade a relationship deal breaker that eradicates any hope of future trust? Or a white lie told to spare your feelings? If the latter, information technology might be enough to consider forsaking a confrontation in favor of making a mental note of the state of affairs for future reference.

If you even so want to get to the centre of the matter, Levine tries to affirm his need for honesty while reserving judgment. "I tell people that I appreciate straight and honest feedback," says Levine. "They can give me negative feedback in private and that will save me from greater discomfort later on. I let them know that I respect that and won't hold it against them. When I do become negative feedback, I attempt to reply constructively and not defensively."

Have a heart-to-heart

Swart says, most times, nosotros owe it to ourselves to deal with deceptions head on. If you decide it's worth it, confront the fib flinger to try and salvage trust. "It is amend to find out the reasons the white lie was told to be able to maintain trust in the relationship. If information technology was washed for benign reasons, yous can choose to develop yourself based on the feedback, and you know yous tin trust that person in future. Trust, once cleaved, is very difficult to regain."

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Desire more than tips like these? NBC News Improve is obsessed with finding easier, healthier and smarter ways to live. Sign up for our newsletter and follow the states on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

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Source: https://www.nbcnews.com/better/lifestyle/what-should-you-do-when-you-catch-someone-lie-ncna961271

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